Periodic Element [Wo] - Chemical: Women
- Attendees
- meter@bmerhbfc
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Author
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Summary
For your information:
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Feb 28 09:00:00 1995
To: Colin (C.M.) Puchala (BNR) Dept N112 SKY
Fred (F.J.) LaLonde (BNR) Dept 4Y26 CAR
Colin (C.W.) Kemp (BNR) Dept 7X85 SKY
From: Douglas (D.A.) Sander (BNR) Dept 4Y11 CAR
Subject: Ain't it the truth.
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From: '[email protected]' (BNR400)
CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
Element :Woman
Symbol :Wo
Discoverer :Adam
Quantitative analysis: Accepted at 36-28-36, though isotopes ranging from
25-10-20 through 60-55-60 have been identified.
Occurance: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic
single state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.
Physical properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely
nothing and freezes at a moments notice. Totally
unpredicatble. Melts when properly treated, very bitter
if not well used. Found in many states ranging from
virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic, but attracts
coins and sports cars. In its natural state the specimen
varies considerably, but is often changed artificially
so well that the change is indiscernable except to the
experienced eye.
Chemical properties: Has great affinity for Au, Ag, and C (especially in the
crystalline form). May give violent reaction if left
alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly
desired reaction is initiated with various reagents such
as C(2)-H(5)-OH and sexy aftershave. An essential
catalyst is often required (must say that you love her at
least 5 times daily). Reaction accelerates out of control
when in dark and all reaction conditions are suitable.
Extermely difficult to react if in the highly stable
pure form. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
The reaction is highly exothermic.
Storage: The best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.
Uses: Highly ornamental. Used as a tonic for low spirits. Used on cold
nights as a heating agent (if properly prepared).
Tests: Specimen turns rosey tint if discovered in raw natural state. Turns
green if placed beside a better specimen.
Caution: Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income and ego). Highly
explosive in inexperienced hands. Specimen must be used with great
care if experiments are to succeed. It is illegal to posess more than
one permanent specimen, although a certain amount of exchange
is permitted.
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