Lost Star Trek Episode
- Attendees
- meter@bmerhbfc
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Author
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Summary
For your information:
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Aug 29 11:36:00 1995
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From: Colin (C.W.) Kemp (BNR) Dept 7X85 SKY
Subject: fw: Lost Star Trek Episode
Attachment: 1) UNIX File: ORIGINAL.HEADER - 720 bytes
For your information:
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Aug 29 02:56:00 1995
To: Colin (C.W.) Kemp (BNR) Dept 7X85 SKY
From: '[email protected]' (BNR400)
Subject:
Attachment: 1) UNIX File: ORIGINAL.HEADER - 720 bytes
>Date: Mon, 28 Aug 1995 18:15:48 -0500
>From: [email protected] (Alan Gant)
>To: [email protected], [email protected],
> [email protected], [email protected], [email protected],
> [email protected], [email protected]
>
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>From: [email protected] (Bryan E. Siverly)
>Newsgroups:
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>Subject: Lost Star Trek Episode
>Date: Mon, 28 Aug 1995 12:40:03 GMT
>Organization: Valcom Learning Center
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>
>My brother-in-law sent me the following, which I found to be quite
>funny. Hope everybody hasn't seen it already...
>
>
> THE LOST STAR TREK EPISODE
>
> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
>finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to
>access their command pathways?"
>
> "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
>through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."
>
>
>
> "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"
>
> "Allow me to explain. We will send this
>program, for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command
>pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
>system resources at an unstoppable rate."
>
> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter
>their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
>
> "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a
>new version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources
>increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able
>to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability
>will be taken over and none will be available for their normal
>operational functions."
>
> "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable
>geometric shape' idea."
>
>. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
>
> "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the
>Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all
>available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation
>of the expected `upgrade'."
>
> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and
>CPU capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to
>compensate for their increase."
>
> "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
>something we have missed."
>
> "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the
>`upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the
>plan by not sending in their registration cards."
>
> "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
>emergency escape sequence 3F ...."
>
> "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly
>dropped to 0% !"
>
> "Data, what does your scanners show?"
>
> "Appearently the Borg have found the
>internal `Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all
>available CPU capacity."
>
> "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce
>their functionality."
>
>. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
>
> "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"
>
> "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to
>compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
>successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space
>monitor beacon to transmit more `Windows' modules from something
>called the `Microsoft Plus Pack'.
>
> "How much time will that buy us?"
>
> "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
>time span of 6 more hours."
>
> "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
>
> "Identify."
>
> "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'
>logo..."
>
> "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
>FLAGSHIP _MONOPOLY_. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED
>SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY
>TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."
>
> "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
>released thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."
>
> "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"
>
> "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight
>toward the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they
>survive the tortures of deep space?!"
>
> "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look
>closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
>recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases,
>and wearing Armani suits."
>
> "Lawyers!!"
>
> "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
>hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
>
> "True, but appearently some must have survived."
>
> "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
>all types of papers."
>
> "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as `red tape'. It
>often proves fatal."
>
> "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
>
> "Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the
>Borg doesnt deserve such a gruesome death!"
>-----------------------------------------------------------------
>Bryan Siverly Valcom Learning Center
>[email protected] 400 Iles Park Place
>(217) 528-0933 Springfield, IL 62718
>-----------------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
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