OS Market Survey - IF OSes were Beers...
- Attendees
- meter@bmerhbfc
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Author
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Summary
For your information:
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Nov 06 19:49:00 1995
To: Patricia (P.A.) Dy (BNR) Dept 7I61 SKY
Colin (C.W.) Kemp (BNR) Dept 7X85 SKY
Kevin (K.D.) Carlyle (BNR) Dept 7I61 SKY
Al (A.) Frey (QM) Dept BRW BRW
Kenneth (K.) Yong (QM) Dept BRW BRW
JIMMY (J.) CHENG-BJG (QM) Dept BEIJ BEIJ
LAINE (L.) HUTCHINSON-BJG (QM) Dept BEIJ BEIJ
YONGLI (Y.) SUN (QM) Dept BEIJ BEIJ
From: RON (R.) COURTEAU-BJG (QM) Dept BEIJ BEIJ
Subject: FWD>Computer Humor
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Mail*Link(r) SMTP FWD>Computer Humor
Enjoy.....
Ron...
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Date: 11/7/95 8:19 AM
From: John J. Domenegato 7I23 BNR
Title says it all.
John
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1995 Nov 2 at 15:25 EST
to: Rob Biggs (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Tim Cai (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Christal Cook (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Rodelio Dalmacio (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Francois Delisle (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Jitendra Dhawas (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
John Domenegato (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Walter Figueroa (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Egon Goetz (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Sanjeev Joshi (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Brijesh Kukreja (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Jean Lecavalier (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Louis Lemieux (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Denise Marquis (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Christoph Meyer (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Prasad Ozarkar (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
Michael Sawyer (BNR) Dept 7I23-M SKY
Jean-Paul St Amour (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
from: Christal Cook (BNR) Dept 7I23 SKY
subject: fw:OS Market Survey
Some Thursday afternoon humor for you.
Cheers,
Christal
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If operating systems were beers
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an
8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided
into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep
drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical.
When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list
is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told
that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag
your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac
Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows
you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can
only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are
drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no
reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
OS/2 Beer:
Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too,
but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open
them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2
Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that
9 million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer:
New to the market, and a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's
wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like
Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the
cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep
drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say
they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has
some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the
manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The
can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to
change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95
beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and
suggested only for use in bars.
Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they
claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the
pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your
own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need
a complete set of instructions or a friend who has been drinking Unix
Beer for several years.
AmigaDOS Beer:
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up
by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This
beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't
understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely
loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes
in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared
flashy and colourful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years,
so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant
for watching TV anyway.
VMS Beer:
Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and
sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain
extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure development
environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of
ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown
listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumours are that this was
once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilliser, but no
one can claim to have actually seen it.
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Subject: Computer Humor
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Date: 7 Nov 1995 08:42:19 U
From: "RON COURTEAU-BJG"
Subject: FWD>Computer Humor
To: "Kevin Carlyle" ,
"Patricia Dy" ,
"Al Frey" ,
"Colin Kemp" ,
"Kenneth Yong" ,
"JIMMY CHENG-BJG" ,
"LAINE HUTCHINSON-BJG" ,
"YONGLI SUN"
X-Mailer: Mail*Link SMTP-QM 3.0.2
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