How to argue effectively

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meter@bmerhbfc

Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR

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Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR

Summary

For your information:


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 Mar 08 10:43:00 1996

 To:          Colin (C.M.)  Puchala              (BNR)      Dept 6S23   SKY
              Alan (A.B.)  Williams              (BNR)      Dept X753   SKY
              Cory (C.J.)  Bialowas              (BNR)      Dept 7C13   SKY
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              Jane (J.)  Dowsey                  (BNR)      Dept 7I61   SKY
              Colin (C.W.)  Kemp                 (BNR)      Dept 7K76   SKY
              Patricia (P.A.)  Dy                (BNR)      Dept 7I61   SKY
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              Dave (D.M.)  Bond                  (BNR)      Dept 6S00   SKY

 From:        Fred (F.J.)  LaLonde               (BNR)      Dept 4Y26   SKY

 Subject:     fw:HOW TO ARGUE EFFECTIVELY

Here's a gooder for y'all:



     I argue very well.  Ask any of my remaining friends.  I can win
an argument on any topic, against any opponent.  People know this and 
steer clear of me at parties.  Often, as a sign of their great respect, 
they don't even invite me.  You too can win arguments.  Simply follow 
these rules:
     
     *Drink liquor.
     
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding 
on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about.  If you're 
drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang 
back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your 
date.  But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you 
have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy.  You'll be a WEALTH of 
information.  You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and 
possibly upsetting furniture.  People will be impressed.  Some may leave 
the room.
     
     *Make things up.
     
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove 
that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact 
that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a 
bunch of Peruvians be better off.  DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are 
underpaid."  Say instead:  "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 
dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, 
which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
     
     NOTE:  Always make up exact figures.
     
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT
up too.  Say:  "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study 
for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read 
it?"  Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You 
left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."
     
     *Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.
     
Memorize this list:
     
     Let me put it this way
     In terms of
     Vis-a-vis
     Per se
     As it were
     Qua
     Ipso facto
     Ergo
     So to speak
     
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", 
"e.g.", and "i.e."  These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you 
don't." Here's how to use these words and phrases.  Suppose you want to 
say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't 
have enough money."
     
You never win arguments talking like that.  But you WILL win if you 
say, "Let me put it this way.  In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis 
Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, 
so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. 
Ergo, ipso facto, case closed. Q.E.D."
     
Only a fool would challenge that statement.

     
     *Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
     
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at 
your opponents when they make valid points.  The best are:
     
     You're begging the question.
     You're being defensive.
     Don't compare apples to oranges.
     What are your parameters?
     
This last one is especially valuable.  Nobody (other than engineers 
and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
     
Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.
     
Here's how to use your comebacks:
     
     You say:            As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873... 
     Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
     You say:            You're begging the question.
     
     You say:            Liberians, like most Asians... 
     Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
     You say:            You're being defensive.

     You say:            Since the discovery of the incandescent light bulb... 
     Your opponent says: The light bulb is an invention.
     You say:            Well DUH!

         
     *Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
     
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously 
right and you are spectacularly wrong.  Bring Hitler up subtly.  Say, 
"That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or 
"You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."