Stuck in the cat flap...

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Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR

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Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR

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For your information:


---forwarded-message---->


 Jan 24 15:43:00 1996

 Bulletin To: Those in need of amusement

 From:        Heather (H.)  Mullen               (BNR)      Dept 7X11   SKY

 Subject:     FYA


For your amusement:


Article: 116604 of alt.folklore.urban
Newsgroups: soc.culture.german,alt.folklore.urban
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From: [email protected] (Mr. E. Nowell)
Subject: Bremen blue bottom : urban myth?
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The following story has been broadcast on BBC Radio Four, giving
"The Big Issue", a magazine sold by the homeless, as source.
The following version from the satirical magazine "Private Eye", gives
the "Vancouver Sun" as source.
Has anyone seen this story with a source closer to Bremen?

========================================================================
From Private Eye, London, 29 December 1995
"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access to my
house via the cat flap," Gunther Burpus admitted to reporters in Bremen,
Germany. "I suppose that the reason they're called cat flaps rather than 
human flaps is because they're too small for people, and perhaps I
should have realised that."
Burpus, a forty-one-year-old gardener from Bremen, was relating how he
had become trapped in his own front door for two days, after losing his
house keys. "I got my head and shoulders through the flap, but became
trapped fast around the waist. At first, it all seemed rather amusing.
I sang songs and told myself jokes. But then I wanted to go to the
lavatory. I began shouting for help, but my head was in the hallway so
my screams were muffled. After a few hours, a group of students
approached me but, instead of helping, they removed my trousers and
pants, painted my buttocks bright blue, and stuck a daffodil between 
my cheeks. Then they  placed a sign next to me which said 'Germany
resurgent, an essay in street art. Please give generously' and left me
there. People were passing by, and when I asked for help, they just
said, 'very good! very clever!' and threw coins into my trousers.
No one tried to free me. In fact, I only got free after two days
because a dog started licking my private parts and an old woman
complained to the ppolice. They came and cut me out, but arrested me
as soon as I was freed. Luckily, they've now dropped the charges, and
I collected over DM 3,000 in my underpants, so the time wasn't entirely
wasted."
========================================================================
 Eric Nowell