The world according to Homer Simpson
- Attendees
- meter@bmerhbfc
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Author
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Summary
For your information:
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Mar 11 11:43:00 1996
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Harold (H.) Bouwmeester (BNR) Dept 7L24 SKY
Tiberiu (T.) Grigoriu (BNR) Dept 7L63 SKY
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Holly (H.A.) Armstrong (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Colin (C.W.) Kemp (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
From: James (J.L.) Beuerman (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Subject: fw:RE: The world according to Homer Simpson (fwd)
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Mmmmmmm simpsons humor ...
..J
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Mar 06 15:45 1996
To: James (J.L.) Beuerman (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Peter (P.J.) Frellick (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
From: John (J.A.) Posavad (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Subject: fw:RE: The world according to Homer Simpson (fwd)
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Feb 14 15:57:00 1996
To: John (J.A.) Posavad (BNR) Dept 7X36 SKY
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From: '[email protected]' (BNR400)
Subject: RE: The world according to Homer Simpson (fwd)
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I'm sure you'll find this conceptually difficult to follow
being a Western Meds student but try your best. Peace.
______________________________ Forward Header __________________________________
Subject: RE: The world according to Homer Simpson (fwd)
Author: STU MILLER at :external_mail
Date: 06/02/96 20:59
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Date: Tue, 06 Feb 1996 00:20:29 +0200
From: Doron Barkai
To: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected],
[email protected], [email protected], [email protected],
[email protected], [email protected]
Subject: RE: The world according to Homer Simpson
>From: Aharon Cohen
>To: "'Doron Barkai'"
>Subject: RE: The world according to Homer Simpson
>Date: Mon, 5 Feb 1996 19:51:00 +-200
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>
>
>
>----------
>From: Doron Barkai[SMTP:[email protected]]
>Sent: Sunday, February 04, 1996 11:26 PM
>To: Aharon Cohen
>Subject: Re: The world according to Homer Simpson
>
>>
>>Attachment converted: Doron:simpsons.doc (WDBN/MSWD) (00003245>
>
>
>The world according to Homer Simpson
>
>
>
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a
>sleazy male stripper?
>Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
>Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper!
>Homer: Oh, now who's being naive?
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old!
>Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to
>drive?
>Marge: That's because you were drunk!
>Homer: And how!
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain
>cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... where our beds
>and TV... is.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Woo hoo! Cheap meat!
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Oh, Lord! Why do You mock me?
>Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's a waffle Bart stuck to the ceiling.
>(Marge pries the waffle off the ceiling.)
>Homer: Lord, I know I shouldn't eat Thee, but... (munch munch munch)
>mmm... sacrelicious.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Mmmm... beer.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This bible cost
>15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this
>guy.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Mmmm... invisible cola.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?
>Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I
>love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Mmmm... free goo.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?
>Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.
>Homer: Ummm... revenge?
>Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here. (step step step step
>step... slam)
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get
>through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
>Homer's Brain: It's a deal!
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Ah, Andy Capp, you wife-beating drunk...
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: But Marge! I was a political prisoner!
>Marge: How were you a political prisoner?
>Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a picture?
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and
>you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse.
>Homer: Ooo, that's bad.
>Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frogurt!
>Homer: That's good!
>Old man: The frogurt is also cursed.
>Homer: That's bad.
>Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!
>Homer: That's good!
>Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...
>Homer:
>Old man: That's bad.
>Homer: Can I go now?
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're
>prejudiced against all races.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Son, when you participate in sporthing events, it's not whether you
>win or lose... it's how drunk you get.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is,
>never try.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Mmmmm... 64 slices of American cheese. 64 (munch munch munch)... 63
>(munch munch munch)
>(cut to much later)
>Homer: 2... (munch munch munch) ... 1 (munch munch munch)
>Marge: Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?
>Homer: I think I'm blind.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but
>somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
>Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
>Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
>Homer: Okay, I will!
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Reporter: Don't you think it's dangerous to send civilians into space?
>Homer: I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the
>terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT
>WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO
>HELL! (Starts sobbing uncontrollably)
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Ahhh... sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Mmmm... bowling alley fresh.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Mmmm... urinal fresh.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Mmmm... elephant fresh.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Mmmm... soylent green.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Mmmm... crumbled-up cookie things.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Awww... 20 dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
>Homer's brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts!
>Homer: Explain how.
>Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
>Homer: Woo hoo!
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I
>thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But
>instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Marge: Homer, did you call the audience "Chicken"?
>Homer: No! I swear on this bible!
>Marge: That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples.
>Homer: Mmmm... fuzzy.
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer (Looking at a "nudie deck"): "The girls of the internet." Ooh, I'd
>go online with them anyday!
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
>Homer: Did you wreck the car?
>Bart: No.
>Homer: Did you raise the dead?
>Lisa: Yes.
>Homer: But the car's okay?
>Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
>Homer: All right then.
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer: Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Homer (praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering,
>I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead,
>please give me no sign whatsoever... thy will be done (munch munch munch).
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>Back to my home page.
>
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Date: Tue, 06 Feb 1996 16:16:39 -0500 (EST)
From: STU MILLER
Subject: RE: The world according to Homer Simpson (fwd)
To: Raj Sharma
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