A Horror movie character's survival guide

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Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR

Author

Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR

Summary

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 Mar 18 14:58:00 1996

 To:          '[email protected]'                            (BNR400)
              '[email protected]'                             (BNR400)
              '[email protected]'                             (BNR400)
              Holly (H.A.)  Armstrong            (BNR)      Dept 7K76   SKY
              Peter (P.J.)  Frellick             (BNR)      Dept 7K76   SKY
              Colin (C.W.)  Kemp                 (BNR)      Dept 7K76   SKY
              Harold (H.)  Bouwmeester           (BNR)      Dept 7L24   SKY
              Tiberiu (T.)  Grigoriu             (BNR)      Dept 7L63   SKY
              '[email protected]'                              (BNR400)
              '[email protected]'                           (BNR400)
              John (J.A.)  Posavad               (BNR)      Dept 7K76   SKY

 From:        James (J.L.)  Beuerman             (BNR)      Dept 7K76   SKY

 Subject:     fw:Re: Fwd: A Horror Movie Character's Origin

 Attachment:  1) UNIX File: ORIGINAL.HEADER - 880 bytes  



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Mar 18 12:53 1996

To:          James (J.L.)  Beuerman             (BNR)      Dept 7K76   SKY
             '[email protected]' (BNR400)
             '[email protected]' (BNR400)
             '[email protected]' (BNR400)
             '[email protected]' (BNR400)
             '[email protected]' (BNR400)
             '[email protected]' (BNR400)

From:        '[email protected]' (BNR400)

Subject:     Re: Fwd: A Horror Movie Character's Origin


Attached:    1   UNIX File: ORIGINAL.HEADER 880 bytes   


-> From [email protected] Mon Mar 18 09:13:44 1996
-> From: (INTERNET)[email protected] at external
-> > 
-> >  > A HORROR MOVIE CHARACTER'S SURVIVAL GUIDE 
-> > 
-> >  * When it appears that you have killed the
-> >  monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead. 
-> > 
-> >  * If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, 
-> >  was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous 
-> >  inhabitants who went  mad or committed suicide or died in some 
-> >  horrible fashion, or had  inhabitants who performed necrophilia 
-> >  or satanic practices in your house move away immediately.
-> > 
-> >  * Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. 
-> > 
-> >  * Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just 
-> >  gone out.
-> > 
-> >  * If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language 
-> >  which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice 
-> >  which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will
-> >  save you a lot of grief in the long run.  NOTE: It will probably 
-> >  take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
-> > 
-> >  * When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off or go it 
-> >  alone.
-> > 
-> >  * As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to 
-> >  Hell.
-> > 
-> >  * Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a 
-> >  grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
-> > 
-> >  * If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find 
-> >  out that it's just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you
-> >  value your life.*
-> > 
-> >  * If appliances start operating by themselves, move out. 
-> > 
-> >  * Do not take *anything* from the dead. 
-> > 
-> >  * If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a 
-> >  reason. Take the hint and stay away.
-> > 
-> >  * Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure 
-> >  you know what you are doing.
-> > 
-> >  * If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down 
-> >  at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also
-> >  note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster 
-> >  is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to
-> >  catch up with you.
-> > 
-> >  * If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic 
-> >  behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, 
-> >  increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as 
-> >  possible.
-> > 
-> >  * Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which 
-> >  are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog
-> >  (God help you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, 
-> >  or any small town in Maine.
-> > 
-> >  * If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby 
-> >  deserted-  looking house to phone for help.
-> > 
-> >  * Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple 
-> >  guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
-> >  lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any 
-> >  device made from deceased companions.
-> > 
-> >  * Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the
-> >  audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you 
-> >  could ever hope to be.
-> >
-> >
-> >
-> 



- Warren