Interesting grounding strap
- Attendees
- meter@bmerhbfc
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Author
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Summary
For your information:
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May 14 18:48:00 1996
Bulletin To: Those In Need Of Amusement
From: Heather (H.) Mullen (BNR) Dept 7K61 SKY
Subject: fw:ee humor
Greetings, to all Those In Need Of Amusement.
BLAH HA HA!
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May 14 14:02 1996
To: Heather (H.) Mullen (BNR) Dept 7K61 SKY
James (J.M.) Zanga (BNR) Dept 3I24 BNRTP
From: Erin (E.) Gemmell (BNR) Dept 3I24 BNRTP
Subject: fw:ee humor
Attached: 1 UNIX File: ORIGINAL.HEADER 1040 bytes
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May 14 12:31 1996
To: Erin (E.) Gemmell (BNR) Dept 3I24 BNRTP
Ken (K.D.) Huntington (BNR) Dept 3R35-I BNRTP
Arthur (A.) Dear (BNR) Dept 3R61 BNRTP
Rathindra (R.) Guha (BNR) Dept 3Z12 BNRTP
Richard (R.) Corbishley (BNR) Dept 3Z31 BNRTP
From: Scott (S.) Croswell (BNR) Dept 3Z35-M BNRTP
Subject: fw:ee humor
Attached: 1 UNIX File: ORIGINAL.HEADER 1040 bytes
HA
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No idea how much truth there might be to the story...I've got it at least
3rd generation...
>My girlfriend always seemed to enjoy seeing just how much
>she could get away with doing some form of our bondage in
>public. She does this partly because she finds it fun,
>mostly because she knows it drives me out of my tree.
>Usually, I'm able to fast-talk my way out of potentially
>embarrassing situations with Mundanes, but yesterday she
>very nearly got me fired.
>
>Yesterday afternoon we had lunch together. Afterward, she
>accompanied me back to my place of work. I thought this
>slightly unusual, since she had never before expressed an
>interest in my work (electronic engineering), but it didn't
>occur to me that she had something planned.
>
>We arrived at my workbench, where I'm currently trying to
>figure out why the $&%@*! board on which I'm working is not
>performing the way I designed it.
>
> "Is this where you work?" she asked.
> "At the moment," I replied.
>
>I reached over to turn on the scope, thereby completely
>failing to notice the huge studded black leather collar she
>produced from her purse. Before I could even blink (it's
>amazing the speed at which she can do this), she had locked
>the collar snugly around my neck, and locked the end of the
>six-foot jack chain to the center of the bench (where there
>just happened to be a mounting hole, dammit). I turned to
>face her in utter disbelief, mouth agape.
>
> "I'll be back for you at five," she said.
> "HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY WACKO!!?!?" I yelled in a
> hushed voice. "HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS???"
> "You'll think of something," she said, dropping the keys
> into her cleavage. "You always do."
> "But suppose I have to go to the bathroom," I countered.
> "Don't give me that," she said. "I've seen you go for a
> whole day without visiting the bathroom."
> "But...," I tried to say.
> "SHHH! The subject is closed. I'll be back at five. Bye."
>
>She turned and left, against my hushed protests. I sat in
>panic and tried to think out my situation. I tried to think
>of all the people who might visit. Most of my co-workers
>were friends who knew that my girlfriend and I were a bit
>odd, so this shouldn't surprise them. But I had *no* idea
>what I was going to say if one of my bosses came in. I
>checked my watch to see how long I would have to endure this
>ignominy. 13:30 (I'm a military time weenie). "Three and a
>half hours," I thought. I heaved a sigh, and got to work,
>such as I could.
>
>As it happened, three of my co-workers visited for
>what-not. All of them immediately noticed the collar (it
>would be pretty hard not to), and asked if it was my
>girlfriend's idea. I said yes. They asked what I would say
>if my supervisor saw it. I said I hadn't the faintest
>idea.
>
>One of the afore-mentioned colleagues took the bench next
>to me, and after a few remarks (and a question as to where
>he could get a collar like the one I had), settled down to
>work in silence.
>
>After some time, I checked my watch. 16:40. "Gee, I just
>might make it through this after all," I thought. I was
>even beginning to get a handle on the problem with the
>#%~*@! board on which I was working. Murphy must have been
>standing right behind me reading my thoughts, for not more
>than two minutes later one of my bosses entered the room.
>And not just any boss. Noooooooo. This was Mr.
>Narrowminded himself. This was the guy who took Lifespring
>*and* became a born-again fundamentalist. How he came to
>have the power of hire-and-fire over us is one of the Great
>Mysteries of The Universe. We avoided this guy at all
>costs.
>
>His eyes fell upon me immediately. A few picoseconds
>later, he saw the collar around my neck in all its
>splendor. "My life is over," I thought. I still hadn't
>thought of a plausible explanation for this. Mr.
>Solderbrain (the name we called him behind his back; a
>corruption of his real name) started to walk slowly and
>deliberately over to me, his eyes fixed on the collar.
>Fifteen agonizing seconds later, he was standing next to
>me. I thought the guy sitting next to me was going to have
>a siezure stifling all his giggles. I continued to work,
>acting as though there were nothing the least bit unusual
>about my predicament.
>
> Finally, he spoke.
> "What. The. HELL! Is. That??!" he said.
>
>I don't know how I thought of what I said. In fact, I'm
>pretty sure I didn't know what I was going to say until
>just as I was saying it. I'm even more amazed that
>Solderbrain actually bought it and didn't fire me on the
>spot.
>
>I turned to face him calmly, with total nonchalance,
>exuding complete confidence in what I was about to say,
>even though I didn't know what it was yet. I didn't even
>miss a beat.
>
> "Grounding strap," I said, and returned to work.
>
>The guy next to me fell off his chair and nearly died laughing.
>--- end forwarded text