The Five Levels of Drinking
- Attendees
- meter@bmerhbfc
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Author
- Colin Kemp 7K76 BNR
- Summary
For your information:
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Jul 22 12:08:00 1996
To: Holly (H.A.) Armstrong (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Seyma (S.) Atik (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
James (J.L.) Beuerman (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Brett (R.B.) Buckingham (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Wee-Lin (W.L.) Chew (BNR) Dept 7K76-M SKY
Daniel (D.G.) Doliska (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Peter (P.J.) Frellick (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Colin (C.W.) Kemp (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
John (J.A.) Posavad (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Rajeev (R.) Rajagopal (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Cameron (C.W.) Turner (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Xinxin (X.) Wang (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
From: Greg (G.D.) Farnsworth (BNR) Dept 7K76 SKY
Subject: THE FIVE LEVELS OF DRINKING
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THE FIVE LEVELS OF DRINKING
LEVEL 1;
It's 11;00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave
because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys
another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you
think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get
seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".
LEVEL 2;
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20
minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again,
but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now
you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for
anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours
sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".
LEVEL 3;
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just
spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking,
"Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!"
At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy
a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like
his face. You get drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey fellas, if we bought
our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy,
you could cook.") But at level three, that devil is a little bit
bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on
now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of
blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".
LEVEL 4;
Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you
ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time
on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the
bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking,
"Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your
friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of
you knows an....after hours bar. And here, at level four, you
actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get
a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah!
That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting
looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work
for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow
..................cool.
LEVEL 5;
Five in the morning. after unsuccessfully trying to get your money
back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named
Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar
with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's
the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in.
I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I
can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of
thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress
with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday
I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and
screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl
outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of level five- the
sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out
of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or
jogging. And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's
Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's
like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then
that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then,
"I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!"
And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"